In this week’s Juice I talk about a resilience tool that is so powerful and yet so difficult to put into practice.
That is acceptance.
When things go wrong, or something happens to us that is unexpected and unwanted, we tend to get angry and resist it. I’m suggesting to embrace it. Easier said than done.
Listen to this week’s Juice for tips on how to accept both the good and the bad parts of life.
The Healing Power of Acceptance
When One Door Closes
When we feel a loss of control, when the ending does not match the story we told ourselves, we want to fix it, to put it back together. When things happen in our lives that are unexpected, when they devastate us, when things beyond our control change the trajectory of our lives our first instinct is to fight. We are flooded with emotions of hurt and anger. The door that has closed we push back it, we push against it, pounding, willing it to open again. Pleading for what we had to not be lost.
Another Door Opens
Because we are stuck focused on what has happened we can not see what lies ahead. We can’t see what opportunities lie in the wake of tragedy. We can’t see the goodness that surrounds us. When we begin to look beyond the initial hurt and pain of loss, and give ourselves permission to accept that we can not control the result but we can control how we use the outcome, our landscape changes. Acceptance brings clarity to all we have been given. Clarity to the beautiful life we have, and can have. There is light in darkness. Acceptance opens the door.
Balm to a Wounded Soul
Acceptance is not a cure. It does not mean you will no longer be sad. The hurts may remain, the disappointments still felt; but you can feel along side of it, faith, grace, hope of something better.
Acceptance does not take away our pain but it opens the door to let joy back in.
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For this week’s Weekly Juice I wanted to share my radio show interview on What She Said Radio with Christine Bentley and Kate Wheeler. We talked about 4 sources of a more action-oriented confidence that will boost your courage to act and break down those fear barriers! Listen in!
Why Are We Plagued with Self Doubt?
When things change we consistently question, “are we good enough?” Social media is everywhere and because self doubt is socially constructed we are always in a state of constant comparison.
Impostor Syndrome – Stop It!
Impostor syndrome perpetuates self doubt. And the way to combat it is to strengthen our selves. When we do better we feel better. Competence breeds confidence. Believe in the value of your contribution.
Four Step Formula – Action your Behaviours
1. Start Doing it – Put what worries you into practice, take baby steps and celebrate along the way.
2. Find Inspiring Role Models – People you admire and believe you could follow in their path. Inspiring humans that model the behaviour you want for yourself.
3. Mentally Rehearse – Meditate. Imagine you are already doing it. We can trick our brains to become familiar with doing things even if we have never done it before
4. Find a Mentor Who Believes in you. Who will encourage you and cheer you on.
Stay focused. Be gentle with yourself. Less Self Criticism, More Self Compassion
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Women’s Empowerment
Do you ruminate regularly?
Ruminating is such an destructive habit and can leave people feeling unmotivated and depressed. When I was younger, I found myself in a situation where I was ruminating about something that was out of my control. It wasn’t until my mother said two very simple words to me that I was able to put things into perspective. Until this day, I still think of the advice my mom gave me and continue to share it with others, and I’m excited to now share it with you!
Here is the one thing you need to tell yourself to stop ruminating.
Why You Should Tell Yourself “So What?”
The Worst That Can Happen Might Not be That Bad
Take a step back from the situation that is making you ruminate. Ask yourself if the worst case scenario is really that bad. Generally, when we feel anxious we don’t think straight so it’s easy to allow our emotion to overcome our thoughts.
There is Usually a Solution
In most cases, there is always a solution. For example, if this company doesn’t want to hire you, someone else will. It’s easy to jump right to being negative but if you want to learn to control your ruminations, you need to take control of your thoughts.
You Can’t Please Everyone
You can’t please everyone and not everyone will believe in what you’re doing – it’s just life. When I started to write my book, Wire Your Brain for Confidence; The Science of Conquering Self-Doubt I found myself thinking a lot about what people were going to think of the final product. And then I thought, “So what?” You can spend your life worrying about what others think or you can start living your life.
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Women’s Empowerment
Do you struggle with perfectionism?
We all want to strive to be excellent in everything we do but when we beat ourselves up for not being perfect, this can rob us of our happiness and well-being. In this Weekly Juice, I share one of my most popular techniques from my book Wire Your Brain for Confidence.
Women and men from across North America have been emailing me about this technique and how it is transforming their lives. Listen in and let go of perfectionism once and for all!
How to Find Peace at 6
Make a List
To begin with the Peace at 6 exercise, make a list of all the domains that are important to you. For example, being a great mom, daughter, employee, boss, volunteer etc. Write down all of the areas that you want to excel in.
Choose 3 That Are Most Important
From this list, choose the 3 that are most important to you. These are the areas you really want to excel in and the areas you have a strong desire to focus your energy. These are areas where you want to be a 10. It doesn’t mean you have to be a 10, it’s just what you are striving for. Remember, depending on where you are in life, the 3 domains that are most important to you will change and this is okay. Your goals will change as you continue to grow and evolve.
Be Okay With Not Being Perfect
Once you have chosen the 3 domains that are most important to you, allow yourself to be okay with being a 6 in the others. No one is capable of being a 10 in every aspect of their lives, not even you. Don’t allow yourself to strive for perfectionism when it doesn’t exist. You will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders when you allow yourself to let go.
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Women’s Empowerment
In this Weekly Juice, I interview positive psychology coach and author of Getting Grit, Caroline Adams Miller about how to be a gritty woman.
Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals that are meaningful. Caroline discusses why it is important for women to be grittier, tips for getting gritty and how we can all support other women through her initiative, #share222.
If you are in Massachusetts, join Caroline from April 20-22 at the Kripalu Centre for Yoga and Health for her program, Develop a Game Plan for Life.
Enjoy getting gritty in this episode!
How to be a Gritty Woman
Be Passionate and Persistent
Have a goal and work hard towards achieving it. Know that there will be obstacles in your way, but you are capable of overcoming them. The final outcome will be worth it!
Go Out of Your Comfort Zone
Achieving your goals won’t be easy, and it’s not meant to be. Step out of your comfort zone and be open to the opportunity to grow and learn from the obstacles that present themselves. You will be a better and smarter individual as a result.
Support Other Women
Caroline started the #Share222 initiative as a way for women to share the successes of other women in their lives/networks. She encourages women to use #Share222
while congratulating and celebrating women for their accomplishments no matter how big or small. Caroline says, “What if we use an “implementation intention” – also called “if-then” actions in the popular media – that research shows will triple our chances of accomplishing a hard goal. By helping others, you, in turn, will be helping yourself.
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