Strategies And Tips For Living Your Most Confident And Happiest Life
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How to Let it Go When Someone has Really Hurt You | Weekly Juice Episode 52
On October 2nd I am going to be launching my first online program about how to silence that negative self-talk once and for all. I am also going to give you a step-by-step process on how to end ruminating for good. Rumination is when something bad happens and you think about it over and over again. When I was creating this course, I decided to interview several of you about your experience with rumination and also launched a survey and I learned a great deal about what triggers rumination for many of you.
One of those triggers was when an injustice had just taken place. Someone screwed you over in a business deal, a lover cheated on you and left you, a person at work is publicly embarassing you in front of your peers…The list goes on. Anytime we feel that we have been treated unfairly, this can trigger rumination, anxiety and stress.
In this episode I share with you one technique that can help you let it go and move on with your life with greater joy and happiness. Listen in!
How Do You Stop Ruminating?
After interviewing and surveying a number of people about what triggers rumination, I learned that a lot of people obsess over something bad that has happened and they think about it over and over when there’s been some sort of injustice that has taken place. Perhaps someone cheated on you, somebody swindled you in a business deal or somebody did something that wasn’t fair. Injustice can be the biggest trigger for rumination. What I realized is by obsessing about it all the time it was like I was “drinking poison wishing the other person would die”. Oprah said that once on her show and it really resounded with me. So I knew my ruminations were hurting me more than they were hurting the other person.
The Single Greatest Gift I Gave Myself
When an injustice has taken place, this one technique can change everything – the power of forgiveness. First of all, when someone has truly hurt us, we don’t readily think of forgiving the person, especially if the person has never apologized. I am suggesting you forgive the person so that you can move on with your life. You should be celebrating your life, not wasting it ruminating. Forgive that person, not because you condone what they did, because you need to let it go for your own happiness.
Have Compassion
It is easier said than done to just forgive someone who has hurt you. One thing that can be helpful is to remember that people make mistakes, that we, as human beings, are all flawed. By having that compassion and understanding around myself, understanding that I am flawed and I make mistakes too, it was easier for me to be able to look at somebody else and accept their flaws. Sometimes people are not emotionally capable to be the people that you need them to be. Maybe they are not emotionally capable to be a kind person, to be a giving person. By understanding that not everybody is capable of being the person that you need them to be, then you forgive them more easily. Remember forgiveness also applies to yourself so have compassion for yourself, too. Once you decide to forgive and put it to rest, it is so very powerful!
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After spending years studying the roots of confidence, Louisa Jewell offers a toolkit for building and rebuilding it.
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The flourishing 101 course was an eye opener. When you look for the positive around you, guess what you actually find more of the positive. It?s the power of intention. I discovered how I could use my top strengths to create more success in my personal life and career. Sometimes what we are naturally good at we take for granted. This course will change how you interact with others and bring more positivity
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Thank you again for another great webinar. You and Shannon are both so engaging. It is rare in a webinar to actually feel that we are all in the room together. Somehow you both pull it off with your deep knowledge, warmth and energy. Your sessions offer a lot of value. The content is clear and compelling, and the exercises are highly relevant and immediately useful. I’m really enjoying taking the time to immerse myself in this more fully. I have taken webinar courses from other organizations and they could learn a thing or two from you and Shannon about effective webinars! You are doing important work. Nicely done.
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Louisa has the unique ability to engage a diverse audience with her expertise, humour and engaging style. As our key note speaker she enlightened the audience on the science of happiness and how happiness effects our well-being. The feedback was overwhelmingly positive; guests were inspired and delighted to listen to such a knowledgeable professional about a topic that everyone craves to know more about. I would recommend Louisa as a key note speaker, she is truly one of a kind!
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Let me just say WOW, WOW, WOW!!! You are a pleasure and a joy! Everybody loved your presentation, your warmth, kindness, approachability, and collaborative approach! Thank you so much for a phenomenal conference. The afternoon portion was also fantastic and more intimate which was really lovely, and it got all of us to breathe and connect more with one another. I cannot wait until our next opportunity to meet again, it was a very moving and concrete presentation, you are a natural and your delivery is so very genuine!
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Director Job Search Program
Plain and simply speaking, you were a hit! Your morning keynote address set a meaningful, happy, and upbeat tone for the rest of the conference. Our staff responded to your presentation style and message because it is what we needed to hear and feel at this time. We are a great College, with great staff, and May is the end of a full and active year of classes and programs, successes and challenges. Thank you for helping to make our conference a great success.
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Louisa was my instructor for The Flourishing Center’s CAPP (Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology) course held in Toronto Canada. She was excellent in her delivery and included many different approaches to teaching and learning which helped me retain the information better than any other course I have taken. Her enthusiasm and commitment to her work is an inspiration and she is brilliant at what she does. Thank you Louisa for opening up the world to brand new possibilities for me. You are a gem in the world of positive psychology and beyond!!!!
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You can’t help but feel better about yourself after spending some time with Louisa. Her energy and enthusiasm is infectious, mix that with her engaging teaching style and you have the ideal learning environment for anyone interested in positive psychology. I have been blessed to learn from Louisa in a classroom and conference setting and I can honestly say that she has changed my life.
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Bboy League
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NYTimes bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage
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Wire Your Brain for Confidence offers a practical step-by-step guide to achieving goals for anyone who has struggled with self-doubt. Louisa Jewell demystifies the science behind action-oriented confidence and makes it accessible to all. This book will empower you to go for your dreams and live your happiest life.
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Tom Rath
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It would have taken me months of independent study to learn what I have learnt in just six short weeks. The classes were lively, engaging and down to earth. The practical examples and stories made the research come alive.
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Career counsellor & Certified ICF Coach – Careers by Design
The Watercooler sessions that you offer have meant the world to me during this most challenging time in our lives. From the coronavirus to the Black Lives Matter movement, to political unrest, this is an unprecedented time in history. I am so thankful for your generosity and your teachings. You truly are a gift! Your sessions have kept me grounded and working towards being resilient, with a new awareness around the importance of well-being in everyday life and in the most trying of times. The tools you share and the way you explain them and then allow us to practice them, has been invaluable. What you’ve taught me, I’ve passed along to friends and family and in turn, helped them too. So your teachings are multiplied and touch more people than you know! A heartfelt thank you to you, Louisa!
Diane Pincus
I had long struggled with my lack of motivation and my fear of the world. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to start conversations with strangers or to try new things. I was unhappy with the small and empty way I was living my life and I wanted to make a change, but I didn’t know how or if I could. I found the answers I was looking for in this course.
It opened my eyes to the traps I was falling into and it gave me the knowledge and more importantly, the strategies I needed to overcome them. Once I started to apply some of those strategies and to do the exercises, I started to have a more positive outlook. With that new attitude, I embraced the findings and philosophies the workshop presented and gained the courage I needed to grow into a more productive and resilient person. Now I feel more in control of my life and hopeful for my future. Friends and family have told me I’m lighter and more confident. I have mended bad relationships and accomplished long-term goals. I feel like I’ve finally left my state of arrested development behind and entered adulthood. I owe that to Louisa and Flourishing 101.
Collette Johns
The Resilience for High Performance seminar delivered by Louisa Jewell to our sales and services teams at Patient News was interesting, entertaining and highly effective. Louisa clearly has full command of the subject. She delivered the content, true to the theme of her book, with total confidence, wit and rigor. Leading up to the session, Louisa took the time to really get to know our company, team and objectives and brilliantly structured the afternoon to meet our specific needs. From individual character strength identification to uncovering the 6 pillars of wellness, the content really engaged and I received many overwhelmingly positive comments from session participants. What really resonated were the “actual tools” Louisa introduced to help attendees incorporate the learnings into real practice. I even heard one of our senior sales executives on the phone with a prospective client saying “I work with an amazing organization that really cares about people. We recently had an expert in Positive Phycology here to coach us on how to been more effective, productive and happy. She was fantastic”. I highly recommend Louisa Jewell to any organization wanting to enhance the performance and interconnectedness of their teams. The Resilience for High Performance program is for you!
Karen Galley
President, Patient News
1) I felt that the PD with Louisa Jewell really had an effect on me in a very positive way. I could not stop talking and thinking about her discussions for a week or more after. It had such an impact on me that I spoke to my friends about that PD. I feel that our school needs these kinds of reminders in order to put ourselves on track and keep us conscious about our behaviors. I would love to continue to have her and listen to her and work. The best speaker and the most interesting topic I can remember.
2) I loved this PD session – more than any other previous PD. What made it unique was the universal applicability to all facets of life – family, work & personal. Ultimately, all of us working on personal growth and self-awareness will make us better role models, teachers, friends, parents, staff
Helen Gin
Middle School Principal
Southlake Regional Health Centre
Louisa was asked to present a full day workshop to our leadership group on Building Resiliency.
Louisa’s professionalism, expertise, engaging and interactive style, together with a unique sense of humor made the day not only very enjoyable and worthwhile, but very informative. I had many leaders express gratitude and appreciation for the learnings Louisa provided. In addition, prior to the workshop Louisa was very accommodating and flexible, working behind the scenes to help make the day productive. If you are looking to educate staff or leaders on the topic of building resiliency, I would definitely not hesitate in recommending using Louisa as your facilitator. You will not be disappointed.
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I just don’t think that works for a narcissist, who absolutely doesn’t care about me (mother) and from whom I suffered a high level of neglect and who still doesn’t care. What’s to forgive when the perpetrator happily continues. I’ve extracted myself from my family as a result but I don’t see forgiveness healing this rift – the other siblings go along with mother, I was singled out as the scapegoat, the black sheep which is why the split had to be with the entire family.
Dear Molly,
I’m sorry to hear that your mother neglected you. You’re right, sometimes forgiveness is not helpful when the perpetrator continues not to value the relationship – when the perpetrator is still abusing you. I wrote an article many years ago about when forgiveness does NOT contribute to our well-being that I think you might find interesting. https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/louisa-jewell/2011011415973 – So if forgiveness is not the answer, then how do you let go? This is especially hard when an entire family has turned their back on you. I know the feeling. First of all, believe in your self-worth. Our families are not just the ones we are born into. Our families are those people who love and embrace us in our lives. Who is your real family? Nurture those relationships and know that you truly matter to that tribe. You do not need the validation of your family of origin to feel good about yourself. Just know that some people, like narcissistic mothers, are not emotionally capable sometimes to show up as the mothers we need them to be. Can you find some compassion for those who are incapable of loving the way you need them to love? I bet you are a loving person and this is probably why you are the black sheep in a family who behaves badly. Aren’t you so fortunate that, for you, love is so prominent in your life? Those who live without love in their heart are worse off. You have been blessed. Being a loving person also makes you more sensitive to the incivility of others but it is still a tremendous gift. Decide that you are going to turn your attention away from the closed door of your family of origin and turn to the open doors and windows – the people who celebrate you in their lives. You will find a treasure trove when you do.