June 4, 2020
4 Tips on how to feel better about rejection
I hope that you’re doing well and staying healthy. I know it’s been a long time, but we’re starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s just hope that soon, this is going to get back to some sort of normalcy. Remember, you can do this, and if you need more support, I am still conducting my watercooler talks. So every Monday and Thursday afternoon, two o’clock Eastern standard time. We get together in the watercoolers; we learn a little bit about wellbeing; we socialize. We don’t talk about coronavirus; we don’t talk about what’s going on in the world. It’s half an hour of great conversation and learning something positive and new. So please join us if you need more support.
Today, I wanted to talk to you about how to manage rejection. Why am I talking about this? I was chuckling the other day because the CBC called me to do a radio show; I did a syndicated radio show across Canada. Often when they call me, they asked me to comment on a piece of research. This particular research was highlighting how, in general, happiness is in a ‘U’ shaped curve over your lifetime. Typically you are happier when you are younger, and then as you get older, your happiness level drops. We see the lowest curve point around age 47, and then it comes right back up again. So as you get older, you get happier. Now, of course, this is just average in terms of studies, and this doesn’t happen to everybody. The happiness curve is similar to happiness based on how much you care about what other people think.
When you’re young – a baby, toddler, or a little kid, you go, you play, and you act silly; you don’t care what other people think. You’re blissfully happy. And then you start caring about what other people think when you’re a teenager. In your twenties, in your thirties, you’re thinking, “am I good enough? Am I just as good as everybody else? Am I successful enough?” et cetera, and the same in your forties. And then, I found for me anyway, in my forties and even when I went into my fifties, I started to care less about what other people thought about the way I live, about my business, et cetera.
Now, I do care about feedback. I do care if I’m hurting somebody’s feelings. I want to know if what I’m doing is not sufficient. I want sound feedback, but I don’t stop myself from moving forward with anything just because I think there might be people out there who don’t believe what I’m doing is a good idea.
I want to give you a few tips on how to manage those feelings of rejection because those feelings can be intense. They can act as a barrier for you to go out and to do the things you want to do. And now that we’re on this significant pause, I know a lot of you think maybe now is the time to go and do that thing that I’ve always wanted to do. So, if this helps break down any barriers, I will be happy about that.
My first piece of advice comes as a quote from Seth Godin, “people don’t reject you, they reject your story.” I love this quote because what it’s saying is it’s not that they don’t like you personally, it’s the way you’ve set it up. Perhaps it’s the way that you’ve presented an idea, or maybe it’s the words or images you’ve used, the websites that you’ve marketed on, or the audiences that you’ve targeted. The message is not resonating with them, so it’s time to change it. Do it in a way that might appeal to them differently. I love that quote because it takes the onus off of you and allows you to think that maybe there’s another way that I can approach this. And it feels better than being personally rejected.
The second quote comes from Esther Hicks, “You cannot evaluate the success of your teaching by those who are not ready for you.” When you think about being rejected by people, perhaps those people are just not ready to hear that message. They’re not ready to take that step towards what you’re offering, and that’s okay.
If they’re not ready we can help them get ready. You’d get ready to be ready, right. But if they’re not ready, that’s okay. What you want to do is reach out to people who are ready for you, who are those people. Maybe you get a better idea of when people are ready for you. What are the signs that people are ready for you? Mark those down so that you can reference them, or perhaps, maybe the words you use will be specific to attracting those people who are ready for you.
The third piece of advice that I have is to understand that not everybody is your customer; not everybody is your audience; not every organization is going to want you, and that is okay. Instead of banging yourself against the wall, always wanting to get into that place, get into that organization or do that thing, you have to understand that you just might not be a good fit. Instead of continuing to bang on that closed door, sometimes it’s better to look away from the closed door and see the other doors that are open for you.
The fourth tip that I want to give you is to talk about changing your mindset around rejection. Now here’s the thing, if you never get out there, you will never be rejected, and this also happens in business. You can go out there, and they’ll say no – maybe they don’t have the budget right now – whatever the case may be. If you are putting yourself out there and you’re getting rejected, then rejection is a sign that you are doing the right things to grow your business or to bring love to you or whatever it is that you are putting yourself out there for.
Rejection is not a bad thing. Rejection is a good thing because you are putting yourself out there, and that takes courage and confidence. I hope these tips were helpful. Go out there and fulfill your dreams. There’s no better time than right now to get started on your life and what you want to be doing. This is an opportunity for you to do that.
If I can help you in any way, please reach out to me – louisa@nulllouisajewell.com. I’d love to hear from you. I am praying for you and sending you all my positive energy, we’ll see you soon.
Join my virtual Well-being Watercooler talks!
Dates: Monday & Thursday / Time: 2:00 – 2:30pm EST
What is a well-being watercooler? When I used to work in an office, every time I went to refresh my coffee in the kitchen or get water at the watercooler, I would run into others and stop and chat. I wouldn’t chat for long, maybe just 5 minutes, but it broke up the monotony of my day and kept me up to date on my co-workers’ lives.
My virtual watercooler sessions will be an opportunity to learn one science-backed well-being tool in 15 minutes or less and then I create virtual smaller watercooler groups so that you can meet new people, discuss and chat. This is not a time to talk about coronavirus! It is a time to talk about something uplifting, interesting or positive in your life. It is a time for you to take a social break, do some networking and have some laughs!
I will run these watercooler sessions twice a week, Monday and Thursday at 2 pm EST, 30 minutes from start to finish. These will continue until an indefinite period of time!